On change

I found this. I wrote it on January 4th, 2011.

Uncertainty, how can everything change so fast?

I've been living abroad for 7 years, and during this time didn't think I'd ever adapt to living in Brazil again, and here I am sad to leave next week.

So many thoughts in my head that I'm not sure where to start, friendships that develop, roots that go deeper, possibilities, dreams are all in my mind.

A country, a kiss, the toppings on a pizza, when did everything become so complicated? And even so, I'm 24, I know I still have a lot of ground to cover, and yet I think how did things change so fast? is it age, circumstance, knowledge or simply destiny? Choices to be made and some that are made for you, can change the direction of your life and your heart.

It starts with the awakening, a minute, an idea, a simple thought that grows and feeds on possibility and becomes desire, a wish, a paradise, a dream, a moment of bliss where you get lost and you feel and you love and as it develops and grows until the moment when it all disappears and you are back in reality. You look around and everything is the same but you, you now have this possibility in your head, this feasible dream that appears more and more in your head and when you least expect it everything begins to work in that direction, as if destiny is making way for your dream e let it happen as you watch in the audience in disbelief and at the same time you are enjoying the ride down the roller coaster with the butterflies in your stomach.

When I have moments like this i look around and i can't help how happy I am and I believe that I'm doing the right thing, or maybe I'm creating the happiness out of my situation, im not sure, and in reality it doesn't matter..the feeling is the same.

So what to do? what to decide? there isn't really a decision to be made, it happens and it was made for you. I look back to last year and how things changed, crying turned to laughter, suffering became joy. i can only hope to keep smiling to find beauty and hope wherever I am, here or there.

And never stop dreaming, because just when I think I'm on top of the world I look up and see that i'm only at the bottom, at the begging of this adventure that has only just started.