November 7, 2013

Para Não se Perder na Rotina

Eu acho impressionante, 
O movimento constante. 
Passar pelas ações diárias, 
Desejar o fim do dia, 
Evitar a academia. 

O que eu vou almoçar? 
Quem vai me ligar? 
Que roupa vou colocar? 
Na rotina do dia a dia, 
É fácil de esquecer, 
De enterrar suas dores, 
E esperar o anoitecer. 

A partir do dia que tive que acordar sem você, 
Não sei mais dizer se o dia a dia continuou. 
O que era normal antes, não é mais.
 O dia previsível ficou para trás. 

Entre os dias que agradeço a Deus pela vida que você me deu, 
E os dias que me revolto com a vida e acho que você me esqueceu, 
Existem os dias de paz. 
Aqueles dias que ao acordar já estou contente,
Enrolo na cama, tomo meu café, meu coração te sente. 

Sente também a vontade de viver, 
O poder de amar, 
A felicidade no ar. 

Olho ao meu redor e vejo medo, 
Em todo lugar. 
Pessoas fugindo do coração, 
Se escondendo e chorando na solidão. 

Não entendo o medo de viver,
Se machucar talvez,
Mas por que evitar amar?

O destino da vida ninguém sabe,
As surpresas da vida,
As feridas, as alegrias,
Todas perdidas na covardia.

Enquanto isso eu fico aqui escrevendo,
Cheia de alegria pelos pequenos momentos,
Acredito que isso venha do seu amor transbordado,
Se eu não parasse para reparar,
Nem saberia que você tinha me dado.

October 29, 2013

I've moved!

I created a new page using Wix.
It's more organized and I can personalize it more.


Check it out! :)

Cibelle

October 25, 2013

Night Sky

Another one from the past Night sky

July 13, 2011
What do you do when the stars are shinning and there is nowhere to look?
The one star, it's all it takes, but it's lost...misplaced.
You look, you know it's there, you feel it, you believe in it.
The one star, it's all you need, but you bleed cuz indeed, the star is all you need.
You move on cuz there is no point to stare at the sky,
but you haven't forgotten, you know it's there.
Out there, somewhere.
There are other stars, then why the obsession?
is it the distraction? a purpose? a way?
A way to discover, to learn about you. To try things out
and see all you can do.
To grow, to see, to feel, to cry.
How long have you held on to your hope?
The time doesn't matter, the feeling that counts.
When you see the star, time will stop, your jaw will drop.
You knew it, you felt it, you saw it, and it's there.
The wish, the hope, the feelings revoked,
the smile, the love, you knew you were right.
Now you have peace,
Good night!

Despedida

And now in Portuguese, which is how I had written this originally.

Despedida
May 24, 2011 
Quando a ansiedade bate e a noite cai, vem o pensamento.
Lento, quieto, constante, memórias, palavras, melodias
tudo no vazio, no frio do ar.

Um cigarro, uma lágrima, seca
a boca solta a palavra sem controle,
suave sai
aí a caneta, a tinta
dão visão ao sentimento.

Mas no fim são só um meio
pelo qual o calor resolve usar para chegar e mostrar
tudo aquilo que venho pensando.
Amor, saudades, carinho, amizade
como podem ter forma, vida, expressão?

Não tem, e essa é a razão da palavra
que me deixa acordada pensando em ti.
O porquê, a razão, simplesmente não tenho explicação
Eu sinto, agradeço, mau trato. Desculpa!
No fundo não sei viver sem você,
e nem quero tentar aprender.
Só quero aprender a voar, montar meu ninho e decolar.

Mas então por que?
Por que continuo acordada pensando em você?
Para poder escrever, para poder te mostrar
que estou simplesmente seguindo o caminho.
Colhendo a semente que você plantou, cuidou e amou.

Então que a palavra sirva para demonstrar,
para entregar esse amor.
No escuro, sozinha o use como uma luz.
Sentimentos, calor, admiração tem sim uma forma
assim como palavras podem mover um trem
um trem que nem partiu e já está com saudades de ti.

Cuide-se bem,
pois da próxima vez será que embarcará nesse trem.
Um sorriso no rosto, uma lágrima no olhar,
uma estrela cadente, um sonho realizado
Quando daqui a um ano quando esta data formos comemorar,
você estará ao meu lado, respirando um outro ar.

Farewell

Farewell
May 25, 2011 


When anxiety hits and the night falls, the thoughts arrive

slowly, quietly, constant, memories, words, melodies
all in the empty, cold air.

A cigarette,  a tear, dry
a mouth spills out words without any control
smoothly gets out
and then the pen, the ink
turn the feeling to life.

But in the end it's just a mean
though which the heat arrives and shows
everything I've been thinking
love, nostalgia, affection, friendship
how can they have a shape, life, expression.

They don't, and that is the purpose of the word
that's been keeping me up thinking of you.
The why, a reason, I simply can't explain
I feel, I thank, I mistreat. I'm sorry!
In the end I don't know how to live without you,
and I don't want to learn.
I just want to learn to fly, build my nest, take off.

But then, why?
Why am I still awake thinking of you?
So I could write, so I could show you
that i am simply following the path,
collecting the seeds that you planted, cared for and loved.

Then let the words demonstrate
Let them deliver the love,
in the dark, alone, use it as a light
Feelings, heat, admiration they do have a shape
Just as words can move a train
that hasn't even left and it misses you already.

Take care of yourself
Because next time you will be the one boarding the train
A smile on the face, a tear in the eye
a shooting star, a dream come true
In a year at this date there will be celebration
and you will be by my side, in a new nation.

October 24, 2013

Eternally


I normally write this blog in English, but I had written this for my mother and I wanted to share.
I could attempt a translation but it won't be the same.
So here it goes in Portuguese.

Eternamente

Tem uma hora que chorar não adianta mais,

as lágrimas caem, o coração dói,
viver eu não queria mais.



O tempo passa, o vazio continua,
a dor vai e volta,
mas meu ser não se habitua.



Há momentos de felicidade,
mas é difícil com você nos pensamentos,
queria poder saber como fazer pra ser feliz de verdade.



Seguro as lágrimas pra continuar a viver,
se é que viver estou fazendo, sobrevivendo talvez
Com saudades constantes memórias vibrantes.



O que eu não faria pra ter você aqui?
Nunca dirigiria no escuro, 
nunca me atrasaria pra ligar,
nem se quer uma refeição eu iria pular,
Durmiria todo dia cedo,
escovaria meus dentes,
nunca ia brigar com ninguém,
Faria de tudo pra ser seu eterno neném.



Infelismente não tenho o que fazer
controlar o destino da vida,
não cabe a mim esse poder.



A força que eu tenho você que me deu,
me ensirou a ser forte, guerrera e humana,
a pensar nos outros, depois pensar no que é meu.



Quero ser seu orgulho, viver como seria da sua vontade,
dentro do meu coração carrego seus desejos,
seguirei seu exemplo, mesmo que me sinta pela metade.



Vou te levar comigo pra longe,
assim como diz a canção,
que você dizia que te lembrava de mim, 
e agora sou eu quem ficou na solidão.



Mas aos poucos me levanto, assim como você se levantou.
E com todo o amor que você me deu,
estaremos juntas eternamente, você e eu.

October 22, 2013

Discoveries

This is a tradition I used to keep with one of my BFs growing up Mayra. She is the kind of friend that I have never doubted once and no matter how much time goes by our friendship remains the same. Mayra, we need to revive this tradition because even if we don’t talk much we can know what is going on in each other’s lives.  Here are some discoveries, in no particular order of date:
  • Time can heal, but it doesn’t make you forget
  •  Some people come and go, some just stay and stay
  • Sometimes the best thing to do is stop and listen
  • I’m powered by the sun
  • You NEVER know
  • There are times when you take life day by day, and times when you take life hour by hour
  • Sometimes you just need a good cry and a good laugh
  • Faith is more than just believing, it’s about living a life that reflects your beliefs
  • Strangers can be strangely comforting
  • I can live without coffee, I just choose not to
  • Pressure can be an amazing motivator
  • Dogs are amazing
  • Sleep is underrated
  • Planning is fun (for me!) but it doesn’t mean things will go as planned
  • Trusting your instincts can point you in the right direction
  • I believe in Angels
  • Forgiveness is a must
  • Flavored coffee is NOT
Má, tag you are it. Your turn! <3


October 21, 2013

With me

I woke up feeling different today,
The full moon was bright, and sun was on its way.
My intuition was right all along,
The fuzzy feeling on my hands and the warmth in my heart was you after all.

Ever since we spoke the other day I've been happy,
The bliss in your voice was undeniable,
The way you talked was hopeful,
Your jokes were comforting,
You love was stronger than ever.

You told me things I needed to know,
You reminded me that its important to be strong.
You reinforced the bond we've had all this time,
You proved that your love would always be mine.

I also learned to love who I am,
Let your soul shine through mine you said.
To enjoy life and with me you'll be,
To be outside and keep good company.

So it was true all along you live in my heart,
I'll try to listen more often,
I'll trust your plans.
But know that I'm happy you're well,
In a beautiful place,
and in my heart as well.

October 17, 2013

About time

In time it will all be better, they say.
In time the pain will reside, they say.
In time things will go back to normal, they say.
They say words that float through the air and never reach my mind.

Problems come, problems go.
Times stops, time runs.
Fights start, fights end.
Days go, but I stay.
I stay in a time when I was unaware,
unaware of the dangers, when there was laughter without a care.

Enjoy the journey, they say.
Be grateful, they say.
Seize the day, they say.
They say those things and yet I don't listen, I pray.

I know where you are, it's clear to me know.
I'm still getting adjusted to this new way of being.
I feel you warming my heart when it gets cold,
I feel your peace in my heart when it's enraged,
I feel you cry when I need your help.
Don't fright, I'm well.

You taught me a very important lesson, you know?
To live selflessly, to lighten up, to get past the bumps on the road.
Trust in me to live as you wished,
To forgive others, to be strong.
Your love is with me as always it will be.
As you are not only my mother,
but a hero to me.




October 11, 2013

On change

I found this. I wrote it on January 4th, 2011.

Uncertainty, how can everything change so fast?

I've been living abroad for 7 years, and during this time didn't think I'd ever adapt to living in Brazil again, and here I am sad to leave next week.

So many thoughts in my head that I'm not sure where to start, friendships that develop, roots that go deeper, possibilities, dreams are all in my mind.

A country, a kiss, the toppings on a pizza, when did everything become so complicated? And even so, I'm 24, I know I still have a lot of ground to cover, and yet I think how did things change so fast? is it age, circumstance, knowledge or simply destiny? Choices to be made and some that are made for you, can change the direction of your life and your heart.

It starts with the awakening, a minute, an idea, a simple thought that grows and feeds on possibility and becomes desire, a wish, a paradise, a dream, a moment of bliss where you get lost and you feel and you love and as it develops and grows until the moment when it all disappears and you are back in reality. You look around and everything is the same but you, you now have this possibility in your head, this feasible dream that appears more and more in your head and when you least expect it everything begins to work in that direction, as if destiny is making way for your dream e let it happen as you watch in the audience in disbelief and at the same time you are enjoying the ride down the roller coaster with the butterflies in your stomach.

When I have moments like this i look around and i can't help how happy I am and I believe that I'm doing the right thing, or maybe I'm creating the happiness out of my situation, im not sure, and in reality it doesn't matter..the feeling is the same.

So what to do? what to decide? there isn't really a decision to be made, it happens and it was made for you. I look back to last year and how things changed, crying turned to laughter, suffering became joy. i can only hope to keep smiling to find beauty and hope wherever I am, here or there.

And never stop dreaming, because just when I think I'm on top of the world I look up and see that i'm only at the bottom, at the begging of this adventure that has only just started.

October 9, 2013

Going Strong

This is my third week doing the fast metabolism diet. I'm not following it strictly like I was. I caved and I wine here and there. I have been trying to work out 3 to 4 days a week in the way the diet recommended. Cardio on carb days and weight training on no carb days. It's going great!
To be honest I decided not to weight myself. My pants are loose, I feel great, I'm not hungry and it just became natural to eat every 3 hours. I know now what's ok to eat and I don't miss anything. I don't worry too much about which vegetables to eat on each day. I just try to make healthy choices at every meal and it's much easier that way. I'm strict following my protein and veggie only days though! I feel like my body is changing, I notice my legs slimmer and that is great news to me!
I made a chocolate mousse with egg whites that I adore! and it was approved by picky children so I'll share the link!


Good luck to you all on the same journey!

October 8, 2013

End of Week 1. Fast metabolism continues

So today is Sunday and I just finished week 1 in the fast metabolism diet. I followed it as well as I could. I went out to dinner with the family twice, but it was on Phase 2, so I was able to have just meat and veggies. I didn't have wine all week except for 2 glasses o Saturday night, which I felt this morning!
I didn't weight myself this morning, but I will first thing tomorrow morning. As of Sat Morning I had lost 3 lbs this week. I worked out monday-thursday, never went hungry and kicked my caffeine addiction all in a week. I'm really proud of myself! 
         
      
         Dinner on Phase 2. Chicken Fajitas with Broccoli.

       
          Breakfast on Phase 3. Oatmeal, Almond butter, blueberries= YUM!!

I'm looking forward to starting Week 2. This time around I'll start off with no caffeine withdrawal, hopefully I won't be as sore as I was last week from the P90x workouts.

Let Week 2 begin! :)



September 29, 2013

My grieving heart

It's been 6 months that I lost my mother, who was and still is everything to me. I can't always express feelings in spoken words but writing sometimes helps me relief some pain. Only those who have suffered through such lost understand, so I hope I can help others who might be going through the same pain. My heart goes out to you.

In the split of a second when everything seems alright,
tears came rushing down my eyes.
Anger, sadness, confusion took over my heart and I almost forgot how to breath.
Where were you when I needed you to hold me?
Disappointment, more anger, sorrow as my heart ached,
What did I do to deserve such a sad fate?

I try as hard as I can to hold my heart in place,
It feels as if it was stabbed, sore and it needs my hand to stay safe.
I miss the days when I didn't live in pain,
I miss the days when you called too much,
I miss the days when we could touch,

I try to imagine how you feel now,
In a beautiful meadow, with your sister and mother.
Does your heart ache too? Do you see my pain?
At times I hope you don't.
I miss the days when you worried I was alone,
I miss the days when you wanted me to come home,
I miss the days when you made me tea and worried I wouldn't eat.

I try to imagine you happy now,
Free from all the pain there could ever be.
That's where I want you,
In your own paradise.

I want to remember all the silly jokes you made,
I want to remember all the times I rolled my eyes at something you said,
I want to remember how no matter how sad I was, you would always make me feel like I was the best thing that ever happened to you. 
But I was the lucky one,

I am lucky enough to know unconditional love,
I am lucky enough to have a mom who always put me first,
I am lucky enough to have grown-up with you
But not lucky enough to know what it is like to live without the pain of letting you go.

Lose you I did not,
I carry you very heavily in my heart.
I think about you night and day,
Life without you is not the same.

So with these words I send my love,
I send my sadness and my deep concerns.
But most of all I wish you well,
I wish you beauty and I wish you rest.
There is no one I will ever love more,
but please be well, my mamis, I adore.



September 23, 2013

Fast Metabolism Focus

As stated in my previous post I have been dealing with difficult things lately. I also just had a lot of changes all at once so I need a focus to keep me sane. I heard about the Fast Metabolism Diet and decided to give it a try. Today was my first day and it was pretty smooth. The diet has 3 phases during the week. I just did day 1 for Phase 1 and it was fine. I also attended a Zumba class. I never went hungry, which I like that in a diet. On this diet you have to give up wheat (we'll see ), daily (so far so good), corn (No problem), caffeine (I did have some today, not on an empty stomach, but enough not to get a headache), alcohol (it's ok to do for 28 days).

This is what my day looked like:


I'll try to keep my progess on here!

September 15, 2013

On turning 27 without my Mother


I used to write a lot and every since I lost my mom I avoid it. Partly because it makes me sad and partly because everything I write ends up so dark. But I think this is something I need to face, so in efforts to maybe get it out I'll share a little bit about what I'm going through...here it goes.




On turning 27 without my Mother

I could easily say this will be my worst birthday ever.
I could easily say this was my worst year ever.
I could easily say I now know the meaning of extreme pain.
But nothing seems easy these days.

I could say that I miss you.
I could say that you live in my mind.
I could say  you llive in my heart.
But  saying it has no meaning anymore.

It seems unfair to continue to get older.
It seems unfair to laugh.
It seems unfair to cry.
Is it living if I'm merely getting by?

Six  months have passed and I still struggle to let you go.
As I turn 27 I can't help but remember,
Remember the person who gave me my life and also her own.
The person who would do anything to make me smile.
It feels wrong to live without you,
It feels wrong to love without you,
It feels empty to acomplish anything.

And yet I do, I get up and live my life.
I can't give up now.
Not after all you've done.
So in your honor, 
I keep living.
I keep loving.
I keep missing you.


July 25, 2013

Recipes and more

Here are the recipes I mentioned in my last post.
Oatmeal CrackersRaspberry Chia Seed Jam

Today I was feeling under the weather so I made some chicken soup, and it was delicious!

I got the recipe from this place: Chicken soup recipe

Eating clean and healthy has been beneficial. Slowly I want to cut back on refined sugar...that's the plan!
I've also been incorporating green smoothies into my diet and I also really like those, easy way to sneak in green veggies into your daily diet.








June 27, 2013

Eating Clean

Here I am weeks away from finishing Grad School. I'm late in finishing since my life got turned upside down but now that I am back on my feet (well sorta of) I have been aiming to eat clean. By eat clean I mean eating natural foods, foods that haven't been processed. It's not always simple to stay on task with simple foods. I love it though! I'm not dieting or stressing myself out, I am just focusing on putting healthy foods into my body. It all started when I put on a documentary on Netflix to take a nap, which led to a second documentary (Fat, sick and nearly dead) which led to a juicer. The juicer has been an interesting phenomenon. I remember when I did the sugar detox and how so many people thought I was crazy, I was expecting the same reaction now (although I haven't fasted, but I'd like to at some point) but so many people either loved the idea or started doing it as well or had been doing it already. I've had my juicer for over a week now and I love it. I have at least one juice a day and I love the way it makes me feel.
I have more energy, less cravings and my skin is breaking out a lot less. You know those days that you just want to eat everything? Well even then I got full so much faster and couldn't finish a burrito. (I can ALWAYS finish a burrito, even if it's 4 am) So I've been enjoying the benefits, as well as the convenience. At night I'll make my dinner juice and my morning juice. So when I get up to be at work at 7 am my breakfast is ready! BONUS!
Eating more fruits and vegetables feels natural to me and I've been loving it. I don't like restrictive diets but I don't feel restricted at all. I've been eating all I want, just been trying to choose the right foods.
I made a couple great recipes this week that I'll share. Oatmeal crackers and Raspberry Chia seeds jam. Both amazing and both really easy to make.
Oh, and also I made homemade doggy treats so Kiwi benefited from my eating clean plan! :)